By Meghan Peterson.
The views stated here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff or other editors of this newspaper.
Recently, attitudes and acts of defiance have been emanating from a certain toddler and baby of mine. Most of the time, I find said defiance humorous (a.k.a., needing to disguise my smile and/or belly laugh beneath the authoritarian mommy veil). Above all, I find this phase of defiance fascinating and educational.
Before I discuss defiance in the context of my toddler and baby, let us understand the definition of defiance.
According to Webster’s 1913 Dictionary, defiance is:
“1. The act of defying, putting in opposition, or provoking to combat; a challenge; a provocation; a summons to combat.
2. state of opposition; willingness to flight; disposition to resist; contempt of opposition.
3. A casting aside; renunciation; rejection.”
According to dictionary.com, defiance is:
“a daring or bold resistance to authority or to any opposing force.
open disregard; contempt (often followed by of):
a challenge to meet in combat or in a contest.”
Ok, onto a discussion of defiance in the context of my toddler and baby.
Me: “Please come sit and eat your din din.”
Toddler: “I want to play, Mommy! All full!”
Me: “Oh, I did not realize eating one bite made your tummy full.”
Toddler waits semi-patiently for an addendum to my response. Before I finish saying he may be excused, he is bounding off his chair and moving to the next 25-second fun-filled activity of jumping onto the ottoman or diver-bombing into the couch.
It is not the case that Toddler is full. The truth of the matter is that Toddler knows how to work the system. His defiance is not necessarily located in an act of disobedience (that is, not eating dinner despite commands to do so). Rather, his defiance manifests in two ways: one, deflection by way of a request (“I want to play, Mommy!); two, an inaccurate description of his hunger status (“All full!”). Through deflection and a level of inaccuracy, Toddler defies the household cultural norm of eating and finishing dinner before playing.
Now, for an example of my baby’s defiance.
Me: “No, no…do not put that dandelion in your mouth.” Baby looks at me quizzically, as if my order is completely outrageous and inappropriate. Instead, he proceeds to play with the dandelion gingerly, hovering it above his parted mouth. He then looks at me again; this time, with a smile.
It is not the case that Baby knowingly bypasses his mommy’s parameters. After all, he is not even a year old. Yet, this small incident of doing something brazenly speaks perhaps to the subconscious development in distinctions between defiance and compliance.
Witnessing these daily acts of defiance can be simultaneously unnerving, adorable and downright hilarious.
What if we took a page from these small acts of defiance and decided to live freely and boldly – in ways that show we are equipped for the challenges ahead? What if we did so in order to re-assert our claim to be autonomous, liberty-driven, independent individuals? What if we did so in order to take stock of our thoughts and actions as our own – and the potentially tough consequences that flow from them? Finally, what if we did so in order to restore the capacity to mark our own journey, as opposed to permitting others dictate how we ought to proceed?
Defiance does not have to be loud. It can be as subtle as a toddler’s deflection or a baby’s smiling look. Simply put, it can be a way of being – as opposed to a way of behaving. Perhaps that is what defiance is about.
Exercising freedom of mind and movement is not always about behaving but rather, about being human in the face of any and all opposing forces.
